Jalapenos & Grapes

    Saturday morning, Conference morning. Instead of the usual chores and long run, the family and I gather around the tv to watch leaders and teachers give council and wisdom. I pull out my crocheting and begin with urgency working on a washcloth (I have to keep my hands busy with something I don't have to think about, or I will fall asleep).

    Elder Richard G. Scott teaches about recognizing and listening to the Holy Ghost and makes this statement:

“[The] inspiring influence of the Holy Spirit can be overcome or masked by strong emotions such as anger, hate, passion, fear or pride. When such influences are present, it is like trying to savor the delicate flavor of a grape while eating a jalapeño pepper. Both flavors are present but one completely overpowers the other. In like manner, strong emotions overcome the delicate promptings of the Holy Spirit.” -–Elder Richard G. Scott

    “Wow, I like that thought,” I muse to myself. “I like food, and I like peppers and grapes, too. Grape jalapeño jelly would be good to can. Such interesting flavor combinations.”

    Three days later the imagery is still in my mind, only I'm not thinking about jalapeño jelly anymore. Instead, I think, “what is it about jalapeños that makes them hot? Why do they overpower other flavors? Didn't I read about that somewhere or see it on tv?” My mind races and I can't sleep. I promise to look it up in the morning.

    Guess what I did this morning? Want to know what I learned?

    The primary component that makes the jalapeño pepper “hot” is the molecule capsaicin (pronounced cap-say-ih-sin). “The burning and painful sensations associated with capsaicin result from its chemical interaction with sensory neurons.” By binding to a specific receptor (VR1), “the capsaicin molecule produces the same sensation that excessive heat or abrasive damage would cause, explaining why the spiciness of capsaicin is described as a burning sensation.” The pepper doesn't cause heat-- a chemical in it does. Note that the sensation is created-- it is not real burning.

    Wikkipedia says, “The primary treatment is removal from exposure.” Got that. Stop eating the peppers or rubbing them in your eyes. Can do. “Plain water, as well as home remedies such as vinegar, bleach, sodium metabisulfite or topical antacid suspensions are ineffective in removing capsaicin.” Learned that the hard way. Water intensifies the burning for me. The answer: “Cold milk is the most effective solution against the burning sensation (due to casein, phosphoprotein in milk) having a detergent effect.”

    Oh detergent. I love soap, not eating soap... did that too as a child... not of my own volition, mind you. I love what a detergent does! On a chemical level, it binds with the fat molecules (think holding hands) and takes it away with with water when rinsed off. Detergent also breaks down the cell walls of germs and microorganisms effectively killing off those pesky critters.

    Got all that science stuff? Back to the grapes, jalapeños and Elder Scott.

    Elder Scott asserted that pornography and other sins overpower and deaden our ability to recognize and sense spiritual promptings-- effectively blocking our spiritual receptors. Sound like what the jalapeños capsaicin does? Sin creates a sensation of happiness, gaiety and pleasure. It is a false sensation. Happiness is not really happening, it only appears to be. Unlike the jalapeño, who's sensation will eventually wear away, the sin binds permanently with our spiritual receptors and unless washed away appropriately, will overwhelm all other feeling.

    Not any casual rinse with water will effectively get rid of the burning of a jalapeño pepper. You need the complex proteins in milk to do the job for you. Remember, the casein is the detergent that bonds with the capsaicin, effectively releasing the neural receptor from capsaicin's hold. Sin requires a similar treatment. The atoning sacrifice of our Savior is the required detergent. His sacrifice and atonement made possible His taking upon him all the sins of the world. He releases each of us from the bondage of sin and the false sensations caused from it. Liberal application of the atonement will not only free us from sin, over time, it will fade the scars the sin left behind.

    Didn't I read once that, over time, milk will fade scars on the skin. Cleopatra, milk baths, that's one way to get clean. I think I'll use the other.

The hero shows her nobility

You know those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days that happen even in Australia? Well, they happen here too. The scene: Exercise class in the church gym, overflow doors open to the kid play area; music blaring, a grunting lady yells "One set left, come on, dig it!" as the women punch air. A baby's cry pierces the air and a mom leaves the heart pumping class to care for a child. The infant won't sleep, 2 year old only wants to be held, 4 year old runs screaming down the hallway diving headlong into mom and the other kids. More tears flow-- only they are Mom's.

"Can I just go home?!? At least at home I can hide."

My friend's words pierced my heart. Yeah, we all have those days where we want hide and only come out when the kids are well behaved, dressed in clothes that actually match and are quietly, politely and very obediently pulling weeds and not throwing dirt. We want to present to the world a glorious and perfect home front. Reality isn't as picturesque. "Can't I just hide!" My friend's words pulled a rebuke from my memory.

"Nobility once exposed, can not hide."

Aerin's father is king of Damar. Aerin is the daughter of a "witch women" and has spent her life avoiding the crowds in the palace, feeling like a misfit, shunned in her father's house. Despite her anxiety, she was drawn to a higher purpose: dragon slaying. She perfected a fire proof ointment, mastered sword play, befriended a lame horse and went off to slay a dragon. Returning successfully, she awkwardly presented herself to her father, the king, and promptly retired to her room where she hid from the courtiers for days. Summoning her courage, she went to breakfast with her father where he gently, but firmly, reprimanded her and claimed her help in future service. Aerin had demonstrated her nobility and courage for the kingdom to see. She can no longer hide.

As a woman, mother, and daughter of God I have innate nobility. Like Aerin, I may wish to hide and avoid the stares of the world, or those who would scoff at the mother of four trying to protect her children from the world, trying to teach her children hard work while still keeping a clean home and eating home cooked meals together as a family. But I have entered the fray. I have declared my position and can no longer hide. Go ahead, laugh at my attempts and failures. (I don't blame you-- on good days I laugh at my life too!)

No HIDING! GET TO WORK!

The Hero and the Crown, By Robin McKinley

What is TRUE?

Elements of truth surround us, but the world "spins" a particle of truth for its own purposes. So how can you really know what is true?

When I was deciding to marry Bill, I searched for the Lord's council. I only remember one thing from General Conference April 1997, "if it feels good and it feels right, that is because it is good and it is right." I learned I could trust the feelings of peace as a thumbs up from above.
Alma expands on this theme in his discourse on faith to the Zoramites and gives benchmarks for knowing if something is true.

"Ye know the word has swelled your souls, ...that your understanding doth begin to be enlightened and your mind doth begin to expand.
"O then, is this not real? Yea, because is is light; and whatsoever is light is good, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that is is good." (Alma 32:34-35)

Does is it make light what was dark before? Does it make sense? Then it is real and true.

Musings on comfort, peace, and joy

I love the words of the Savior found in John 14:27.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

I love the verbage that the Savior uses. He grants us peace, then invites us to discard the worry that would trouble or make us afraid. True peace comes only as we entrust the Lord with our worries, then work the best we can.

"But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. Adam fell that man might be, and men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:24-25

When we trust in the Lord we can see that HE has a purpose in things. As we trust we are given peace that surpasses all understanding, and that peace allows us to feel pure JOY

Attention, Approval, Affection

My sister's blog inspired me to talk about what I have learned this summer. Like my sister and many of my family members, I get to live with a mood disorder - specifically depression. This summer my doctor suggested going off the medication I have taken for 7 years and trying a new one. The new medication didn't work well with my body, and I had 3 breakdowns in 7 days. During the week of craziness, I learned some things.

First, mental illness distorts reality. In the middle of a breakdown, the self-talk I hear is not true. What makes this hard is that the self-talk contains an element of truth, but in the moment I can not tell what is true and what isn't.
One of the med's side effects was dizziness. Being dizzy made it so I could barely walk in a strait line, let alone get the shopping, laundry and cleaning finished. I yelled at myself, "I can't do anything anymore!!!" NOT TRUE! Look what I can do: I can pray. My worth does not depend on the ability to get anything or everything done.
Or I would tell myself, "Because I can't do (fill in the blank), I am a burden to others. Life would be easier for everyone if they didn't have to care for me too." NOT TRUE!! I need more help from others when I am overwhelmed. God gives us opportunities to serve and be served.

Second, I learned about my worth as an individual. I like attention, affection and approval (the 3 A's). I feel validated, useful and loved when I feel the 3 A's. But my value is not based on the 3 A's. When someone doesn't grant me attention, affection or approval, it has very little to do with me and everything to do with the other person. It is not healthy to base my positive self-image on someone else's mood or inclination. The only opinion that matters is the LORD's. The LORD will NEVER withhold his attention, affection and approval from those who look to him. I can always look to HIM; He hears my prayers and answers them; He sends angels in the form of friends to bless and help me; He clears my mind and lights my path so I can see midst the darkness.

We're not worthy!!!

I have been annoyed with the term "worthy." So I looked it up in the dictionary so I could understand it better. Worthy denotes arriving at an acceptable or adequate level. I like that it is adequate and acceptable, not exemplary or extraordinary. I want to live certain standards, but I don't live them perfectly. It is good to know that I can be worthy and of worth because I live in a acceptable manner not because I have reached perfection.

What has made you think recently? What did you learn?

Most Perfect Laughter

Title character, Crispin, a 14th century English serf, is cast out of his village. Fleeing from those who want to harm him, he encounters a traveling minstrel named Bear, who becomes his mentor and helps him discover the meaning of freedom-- of thought and action.

I especially like Bear's thoughts on Jesus Christ.

"When I think on the perfections of our Savior, I choose to think most upon His most perfect laughter. It must have been the kind that makes us laugh, too. For mirth is the coin that brings a welcome. Lose your sorrows, and you'll find your freedom." (Avi, 96)

Sorrow and pain may seem the common fate of man, but JOY erases the burdens and pains of the day. When I think of the Savior, I will think of His smile. Go on, Smile!

Crispin and the Cross of Lead, by Avi, Hyperion Books for Children, 2002

Walk Two Moons

Thirteen-year-old Sal is traveling from Ohio to Idaho with her grandparents in search of her mother, who left and has not returned. Along the way, Sal tells the story of her friend Phoebe who's life mirrors her own. Beautifully written. The characters were universal- we all have had a best friend who is a little neurotic and paranoid; quirky grandparents; and fathers who don't express emotion well. I loved following Sal on her journey towards peace.

When Phoebe's mother disappears, Sal and Phoebe fear the worst: a potential lunatic kidnapping and a murderous next door neighbor. At the end of her journey Sal understands why she and Phoebe concocted worst case scenario versions of reality.

“It seem to me that we can't explain all the truly awful things in the world like war and murder and brain tumors, and we can't fix these things, so we look at the frightening things that are closer to us and we magnify them until they burst open.” (Creech, 277)

I can drive myself crazy about something small because it is easier to stress about than the really big issue. I tell myself I am angry because my kids are running around screaming. Not true. Is their behavior annoying? YES! Is their behavior appropriate? Probably not. Is their behavior the cause of my anger. No!

Anger is the emotion I allow myself to feel when I am overwhelmed with the world around me. I feel overwhelmed and out-of-control of myself. The need to control spills onto my children; I must control them. When I am unable to control them (I know internally that I can't) and I remember that controlling their behavior is not the plan anyway-- teach correct principles and help them choose the right-- I feel like exploding. There is too much stimulus internally and externally. I erupt, “STOP BEING SO SILLY!!!”

It is immensely easier to be upset about loud children than learning self-mastery. Louis L'amour said, “To destroy is easy, to build is hard. To scoff is also easy, but to go on in the face of scoffing and do what is right is the way of a man.” “We must do what we think we cannot,” Eleanor Roosevelt.

Sal decided that “bravery is looking Pandora's box full in the eye as best you can, and then turning to the other box,” the one with all the wonderful and pleasing things in life (Creech, 277). With a sure knowledge of all the terrible, we can fully appreciate and treasure the “smoothbeautiful” things of life.

Walk Two Moons, Sharon Creech, HarperCollins Children's Books, 1994

Stellaluna

Today Jarom asked me to read Stellaluna, by Janell Cannon, to him. I haven't read it for a while, and I had forgotten how much I liked it. Not only are the story and illustrations beautiful, but the last two pages give more information about bats-- terrific for parents of children with curious minds.

Stellaluna is a baby bat who, during an owl attack, is separated from her mother and ends up in a bird's nest. She is adopted by the bird family, but struggles to fit in. Everything that is natural to her is wrong in the bird family.

After being reunited with her bat family, she and her bird siblings (Pip, Flitter and Flap) discuss their differences.

" 'How can we be so different and feel so much alike?' mused Flitter.
" 'And how can we feel so different and be so much alike?' wondered Pip.
" 'I think it is quite a mystery,' Flap chirped.
" 'I agree,' said Stellaluna. 'But we're friends. And that's a fact.' "

Differences in opinion and taste and life provide contrast and beauty. I love that people from all backgrounds can be friends as we look past our differences and see the humanity and the beauty that God placed in each of His children. May we open our eyes and see the love the Lord has for each of us.

Stellaluna, by Janell Cannon, Harcourt Brace, 1993

The Bronze Bow

The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare is the story of a boy named Daniel who is consumed by hatred for the Romans occupying Jerusalem. In nearby Capernaum, the rabbi Jesus of Nazareth teaches of love and peace. The story chronicles Daniel's tormented journey from blind, confining hatred to his acceptance and understanding of love.

Midway in his journey Daniel is inspired by the Psalm of David:

It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places.
He teacheth my hands to war, so that my hands can bend a bow of bronze. (Pslams 18:32-34)

Daniel is intrigued by the strength it would take to utilize a bronze bow. He and his friends pledge to work for "God's victory."

Crisis after crisis threaten to crush Daniel and he is left in his own bitterness, hatred, betrayed hopes and loneliness. As Daniel reaches rock bottom, he questions the psalm that always gave him strength and compares it with the teachings of Jesus who called men to prepare their hearts and minds instead of their hands. He wonders,

"Was is possible that only love could bend the bow of bronze?
He sat trembling, glimpsing a new way that he would never see clearly or understand.... We have to choose, not knowing.
To know Jesus would be enough.
Almost with that thought the terrible weight was gone. In its place a strength and sureness, and a peace he had never imagined, flowed around him and into his mind and heart." (Speare, 252)

Daniel's choice to allow love to work in his life, without understanding how it would help, demonstrates pure faith. Daniel's faith allowed him to relinquish the hate and vengeance that had driven him. Daniel found peace and healing to his soul. The resentment he had harbored toward his demon plagued sister evaporated.

I especially appreciated the development of Leah, Daniel's sick sister. Following a highly traumatic experience Leah confines herself to the home and languishes in despair. She is tormented by the demons in her head. I found solace in the understanding and caring showed this girl.

I had always questioned the Biblical stories of people possessed by demons and devils. After reading this story I understood the biblical usage and took comfort in applying that to my mental conditions. When my brain is not fulling functioning and I hear despair and fear and anger in my head I can think of Leah and ascribe those thoughts to the demons that haunt my mind. Then I can turn to the hope of Jesus and remember how he healed the lame and cast out devils. Then with my mind focused on that hope, the darkness clears and I can see light and truth.


The Bronze Bow, Elizabeth George Speare Winner of the 1962 Newbery Medal

First Blog!!!

I have thought about having a blog for some time and couldn't decide what to do with one. While on vacation I shared with a friend things I had learned from a novel I had finished. Thinking of that conversation this morning I decided to blog about the "truths" I discover while reading. So check in from time to time and see what is worth reading and learning. Share with me your insights!